Wednesday, 16 July 2014

A response to '6 things a man will literally never get' by Mena Coticelli

I recently came across this *ahem* well written article on Thought Catalog (do not ask me why I still look at that site, there is no rational answer, I know it’s full of rubbish). I read it for a chuckle, but then became quite upset about not what the article says about men, but what it says about women. So, I am choosing to make a response to these 6 items, but firstly you should read the original article here

1)      Drinks at the club

Ms Coticelli shares her experience that men who buy her drinks at a bar expect her to return their generosity with going home with them, presumably for sex. She claims that men “go into shock mode and throw a temper tantrum when I go back to MY room with MY friends [emphasis hers]”. If this indeed has happened to her, then this is concerning. Of course men should not presume that buying a woman a drink gives him access to her vagina.


On the flip side, Ms Coticelli’s attitude of “I just saved 15 percent or more by being a girl” is pretty offensive. If you have experience that men throw “tantrums” when they buy you a drink and then don’t sleep with them, DON’T ACCEPT THEIR OFFER OF A DRINK. She portrays women as all scheming and eager to drain guys of their money. I would rather pay for my own, or buy rounds. Not that hard really.



2)      When we say we need space

In this point, the author states that when women say they want space, they really want a guy to stalk them and spend money on expensive dinners.

This second point can be construed as either a) in direct contrast to her first point (except the women being hungry for money), or b) tied up in Ms Coticelli’s irrational fear of learning how to communicate properly (see point 5).

So she tells men in her first point that they shouldn’t get a shock when women don’t want to go home with them after buying them a drink, but then she tells men that “space” means “try harder to make us feel wanted”. I know I’m over thinking this (see below) but doesn’t this almost sound like 'No means Yes'? Men will LITERALLY never get you Ms Coticelli because the majority of men are logical beings, unlike you. I ask for space when I need it, thank you very much.



3)      We don’t over-think

In this point, Ms Coticelli insinuates that all women “analyse” and “remember everything you’ve ever said”, and claims women who don’t do this are pretending to be cool.

Look, maybe I just date a different calibre of men to this author, but I’ve never had an issue with men believing I “over-think” things. Many men I’ve dated analyse things more than me, but this is neither here nor there. Her point seems like a very teen age statement, and not reflective at all about what men don’t understand about women.



4)      We already know the truth

The author complains that men don’t tell the truth, or rather, tell only partial truths, which cause women to lose trust in them and consider them a “lying sociopath”. Look, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for the telling the truth part, but I’m sorry, how is this something that men will literally never get? Women lie just as much as men, and many men I know have been at the receiving end of such treatment. But this is small fry; I don’t really care if Ms Coticelli thinks all men are lying sociopaths because they withhold part of the truth from her. The next point she makes is really what gets my blood boiling...



5)      When we say we’re fine, we’re NOT

The author writes “This stereotype of a woman saying she’s fine when she’s not should basically be a law at this point. It is tried and true and happens all the time, and yet men STILL DONT GET IT ... when we say we’re fine but you know we’re not, keep asking. Not once or twice, not even asking seven or eight times will get us to crack. I’m talking like 20 to 25 times over a span of a two to four hour period. [emphasis hers]” 

So, essentially, the author is blaming all men for her (and other women’s) inability to properly communicate their feelings. Again, I hope not many men read her article, because she is again telling men that women send out mixed signals, “so if they say they don’t want something, they probably do” and this leads to many difficulties in other more sensitive areas such as negotiating consent in sexual relationships (if you want to know more about what I mean when I say negotiating consent, read Nina Funnell  she’s amazing, and [brag!] I have had the opportunity of meeting her a few times.)

Anyway, back to my fist-shake at the irritating Ms Coticelli. Why does she think that it is acceptable for a woman to say she’s fine when she’s not, and expect a man to keep asking if she’s ok “And don’t just say “You okay?” “You okay?” “What’s wrong?” “You okay?” No. Say “baby I know something is really bothering you right now. I love you and I will never judge you for your feelings. Please tell me...”. I will assume for the sake of argument that Ms Coticelli does this to her boyfriend/ significant other/ sexual partner whatever you wish to call it. I’m sorry, but I actually think it’s quite disrespectful to tell your partner you’re ok when you’re not. Why is it not ok for a man to lie to a woman (see point 4), but it’s perfectly acceptable for a woman to not only lie about how they are feeling, but expect men to continuously follow up with them until the woman feels appropriately emotionally elevated enough to tell him she’s pissed off? The writer of this article is full of contradictions, and it really is perpetuating bad (and mostly false) stereotypes of women, that we Feminists have been trying so hard to break down in the last few decades.



6)      Fantasies

Ok, this one is just bizarre. Ms Coticelli explains in her final point that all women (supposedly) have romantic fantasies and want a “prince charming”. She lists a series of movies that men should know about and aspire to. Let’s check them out:

The Vow: Haven’t seen it, but according to Wikipedia, the female protagonist is in a horrific car accident. Yeah, I dream about getting mauled in a car crash every day. I don’t even know what happens that is romantic; I was so supremely bored by the Wikipedia description that I couldn’t read until the end....

The Notebook: She gets Dementia, forgets her family, then she dies. Romantic.

Titanic: She cheats on her Husband, her love interest dies.

The Great Gatsby: She cheats on her Husband with a guy who stalks her, her love interest dies. Perhaps if she'd bothered to read the book she would understand The Great Gatsby is a scathing social commentary, not a romance...

Magic Mike: Ok, I haven’t seen this one either, but, going from the theme developing above, I’m betting “Mike” either has a massive accident, or dies.

So the moral of the story is, men, please don’t listen to this garbage Ms Coticelli has written. She paints an awful, manipulative, bimbo stereotype of women that is not true (at least for the majority of us). So the thing I will literally never get is you, Mena Coticelli!

Monday, 7 April 2014

Three reasons to avoid getting depression

In case you didin't know (though I can't imagine you don't- I harp on about it so much) I have depression. Despite the very obvious reason that wanting desperately to end you own life is probably one of the most awful emotional experiences you can have, here are three lighthearted reasons you should consider before choosing whether becoming depressed is worth it.

1) you have to fight your stupid mouth every day.
Since I handle medication like a boss, I dont seem to experience most of the advertised side effects of antidepressents. Depending on the specific drug, some of the potential side effects include dizziness, blurred vision, constipation, urine retention, higher cholestrol, and other super happy fun things. But one thing every anti depressent I've tried (and I've been on a fair few) is DRY MOUTH. Oh my lord, it's disgusting. Imagine the worst hangover you've ever had, where you have woken up with a crusty mouth that tastes like someone has been maturing nappy flavoured cheese in it. I wake up to that Every. Single. Morning. My mouth is so dry in the morning, it literally hurts. A tight hurt, like how sunburn feels. So if you enjoy having good breath, or are partial to morning sex that includes kissing, try your best not to have to take anti depressents.

2) you spend a frustrating amount of time waiting.
If you choose to travel to depression land, make sure you take a good book with you. You'll be waiting endlessly. First, at the doctors office to get a referral to a good psychiatrist (and remember that referral only lasts 12 months, you'll be back there in a year), then waiting in the psychiatrist waiting room (where you inevitably play "guess the disorder" in your head about other people who are waiting), then the waiting every time you need a script refilled at your chemist. Seriously, I see my chemist so often, I see her more than she sees her best friend, and im sure I'll  get an invite to her upcoming wedding. Having to explain how I know the bride will be fun "oh, how do I know Janine? She thought I was illegally writing my own scripts because I spend more money on drugs than Paris Hilton does on spray tans, but then she realised I'm just screwed up in the head."

3)  you hate your friends and family (sometimes).
Now, I can't be certain this is an issue to do with my depression, or just a personality flaw, but I have a hard time when people change plans on me at the last minute. When it takes two days to psych yourself up to go to some event or hang out somewhere and then the plans change, it can send me into a tailspin and I end up cursing everyone and everything. Stick to the plan, people! That way I can go through endless scenarios in my head, get my hopes up about the event, have them suitably dashed, and end up hating you for that instead! Gee, it's fun to have depression. I highly recommend it to everyone :)

Saturday, 18 January 2014

One sentence life lessons from literature

Anyone who knows me knows I'm a book nerd, so when I come across random posts like this I immediately want to contribute with some of my own.

The Book Riot lesson that most got me chuckling was

"20. Tess of the D’Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy: Just when you thought that life couldn’t get any more unfair, you read Tess and lost any last shred of hope."

Anyone who's read Tess knows that life just really kicks her in the nuts. Repeatedly. Just because she wants to be an honest person. It's an amazing novel.

Dracula is another of my favourite novels; Book Riot life lesson from Dracula is "If you have a choice between Count Dracula’s castle and the Holiday Inn, stay at the Holiday Inn." I actually think I can do better, the life lesson I can take away is - "Men, do not leave your lady folk sleeping alone while you go out and hunt vampires- they will be preyed upon".

Anyway, I got caught up in this game from that point, and here's a few more of my own life lessons from literature whittled down to a sentence.

Captain Corelli's Mandolin by  Louis de Bernières: Dudes, learn an instrument, chicks dig musicians.

Charlotte's Web by EB White: Don't make friends with animals that only have a one year life span; you'll get hurt.

Maya by Jostein Gaarder: Learning a secret language in order to cheat at cards is easier than it seems.

Children of Men, Oryx and Crake, and other dystopian/end of humanity novels: Keep plenty of canned food in your pantry- when the world's population dives into anarchy, chances are someone will come searching through your house, and thank you for these stores.

East of Eden by John Steinbeck: DON'T name your children after biblical figures with tragic stories, it's a self fulfilling prophecy, really.

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee: DO name your children after Atticus Finch; they will grow up to be the noblest, most ethical person ever!

I could go on and on, but I won't. Happy reading!