Wednesday, 16 July 2014

A response to '6 things a man will literally never get' by Mena Coticelli

I recently came across this *ahem* well written article on Thought Catalog (do not ask me why I still look at that site, there is no rational answer, I know it’s full of rubbish). I read it for a chuckle, but then became quite upset about not what the article says about men, but what it says about women. So, I am choosing to make a response to these 6 items, but firstly you should read the original article here

1)      Drinks at the club

Ms Coticelli shares her experience that men who buy her drinks at a bar expect her to return their generosity with going home with them, presumably for sex. She claims that men “go into shock mode and throw a temper tantrum when I go back to MY room with MY friends [emphasis hers]”. If this indeed has happened to her, then this is concerning. Of course men should not presume that buying a woman a drink gives him access to her vagina.


On the flip side, Ms Coticelli’s attitude of “I just saved 15 percent or more by being a girl” is pretty offensive. If you have experience that men throw “tantrums” when they buy you a drink and then don’t sleep with them, DON’T ACCEPT THEIR OFFER OF A DRINK. She portrays women as all scheming and eager to drain guys of their money. I would rather pay for my own, or buy rounds. Not that hard really.



2)      When we say we need space

In this point, the author states that when women say they want space, they really want a guy to stalk them and spend money on expensive dinners.

This second point can be construed as either a) in direct contrast to her first point (except the women being hungry for money), or b) tied up in Ms Coticelli’s irrational fear of learning how to communicate properly (see point 5).

So she tells men in her first point that they shouldn’t get a shock when women don’t want to go home with them after buying them a drink, but then she tells men that “space” means “try harder to make us feel wanted”. I know I’m over thinking this (see below) but doesn’t this almost sound like 'No means Yes'? Men will LITERALLY never get you Ms Coticelli because the majority of men are logical beings, unlike you. I ask for space when I need it, thank you very much.



3)      We don’t over-think

In this point, Ms Coticelli insinuates that all women “analyse” and “remember everything you’ve ever said”, and claims women who don’t do this are pretending to be cool.

Look, maybe I just date a different calibre of men to this author, but I’ve never had an issue with men believing I “over-think” things. Many men I’ve dated analyse things more than me, but this is neither here nor there. Her point seems like a very teen age statement, and not reflective at all about what men don’t understand about women.



4)      We already know the truth

The author complains that men don’t tell the truth, or rather, tell only partial truths, which cause women to lose trust in them and consider them a “lying sociopath”. Look, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for the telling the truth part, but I’m sorry, how is this something that men will literally never get? Women lie just as much as men, and many men I know have been at the receiving end of such treatment. But this is small fry; I don’t really care if Ms Coticelli thinks all men are lying sociopaths because they withhold part of the truth from her. The next point she makes is really what gets my blood boiling...



5)      When we say we’re fine, we’re NOT

The author writes “This stereotype of a woman saying she’s fine when she’s not should basically be a law at this point. It is tried and true and happens all the time, and yet men STILL DONT GET IT ... when we say we’re fine but you know we’re not, keep asking. Not once or twice, not even asking seven or eight times will get us to crack. I’m talking like 20 to 25 times over a span of a two to four hour period. [emphasis hers]” 

So, essentially, the author is blaming all men for her (and other women’s) inability to properly communicate their feelings. Again, I hope not many men read her article, because she is again telling men that women send out mixed signals, “so if they say they don’t want something, they probably do” and this leads to many difficulties in other more sensitive areas such as negotiating consent in sexual relationships (if you want to know more about what I mean when I say negotiating consent, read Nina Funnell  she’s amazing, and [brag!] I have had the opportunity of meeting her a few times.)

Anyway, back to my fist-shake at the irritating Ms Coticelli. Why does she think that it is acceptable for a woman to say she’s fine when she’s not, and expect a man to keep asking if she’s ok “And don’t just say “You okay?” “You okay?” “What’s wrong?” “You okay?” No. Say “baby I know something is really bothering you right now. I love you and I will never judge you for your feelings. Please tell me...”. I will assume for the sake of argument that Ms Coticelli does this to her boyfriend/ significant other/ sexual partner whatever you wish to call it. I’m sorry, but I actually think it’s quite disrespectful to tell your partner you’re ok when you’re not. Why is it not ok for a man to lie to a woman (see point 4), but it’s perfectly acceptable for a woman to not only lie about how they are feeling, but expect men to continuously follow up with them until the woman feels appropriately emotionally elevated enough to tell him she’s pissed off? The writer of this article is full of contradictions, and it really is perpetuating bad (and mostly false) stereotypes of women, that we Feminists have been trying so hard to break down in the last few decades.



6)      Fantasies

Ok, this one is just bizarre. Ms Coticelli explains in her final point that all women (supposedly) have romantic fantasies and want a “prince charming”. She lists a series of movies that men should know about and aspire to. Let’s check them out:

The Vow: Haven’t seen it, but according to Wikipedia, the female protagonist is in a horrific car accident. Yeah, I dream about getting mauled in a car crash every day. I don’t even know what happens that is romantic; I was so supremely bored by the Wikipedia description that I couldn’t read until the end....

The Notebook: She gets Dementia, forgets her family, then she dies. Romantic.

Titanic: She cheats on her Husband, her love interest dies.

The Great Gatsby: She cheats on her Husband with a guy who stalks her, her love interest dies. Perhaps if she'd bothered to read the book she would understand The Great Gatsby is a scathing social commentary, not a romance...

Magic Mike: Ok, I haven’t seen this one either, but, going from the theme developing above, I’m betting “Mike” either has a massive accident, or dies.

So the moral of the story is, men, please don’t listen to this garbage Ms Coticelli has written. She paints an awful, manipulative, bimbo stereotype of women that is not true (at least for the majority of us). So the thing I will literally never get is you, Mena Coticelli!

Monday, 7 April 2014

Three reasons to avoid getting depression

In case you didin't know (though I can't imagine you don't- I harp on about it so much) I have depression. Despite the very obvious reason that wanting desperately to end you own life is probably one of the most awful emotional experiences you can have, here are three lighthearted reasons you should consider before choosing whether becoming depressed is worth it.

1) you have to fight your stupid mouth every day.
Since I handle medication like a boss, I dont seem to experience most of the advertised side effects of antidepressents. Depending on the specific drug, some of the potential side effects include dizziness, blurred vision, constipation, urine retention, higher cholestrol, and other super happy fun things. But one thing every anti depressent I've tried (and I've been on a fair few) is DRY MOUTH. Oh my lord, it's disgusting. Imagine the worst hangover you've ever had, where you have woken up with a crusty mouth that tastes like someone has been maturing nappy flavoured cheese in it. I wake up to that Every. Single. Morning. My mouth is so dry in the morning, it literally hurts. A tight hurt, like how sunburn feels. So if you enjoy having good breath, or are partial to morning sex that includes kissing, try your best not to have to take anti depressents.

2) you spend a frustrating amount of time waiting.
If you choose to travel to depression land, make sure you take a good book with you. You'll be waiting endlessly. First, at the doctors office to get a referral to a good psychiatrist (and remember that referral only lasts 12 months, you'll be back there in a year), then waiting in the psychiatrist waiting room (where you inevitably play "guess the disorder" in your head about other people who are waiting), then the waiting every time you need a script refilled at your chemist. Seriously, I see my chemist so often, I see her more than she sees her best friend, and im sure I'll  get an invite to her upcoming wedding. Having to explain how I know the bride will be fun "oh, how do I know Janine? She thought I was illegally writing my own scripts because I spend more money on drugs than Paris Hilton does on spray tans, but then she realised I'm just screwed up in the head."

3)  you hate your friends and family (sometimes).
Now, I can't be certain this is an issue to do with my depression, or just a personality flaw, but I have a hard time when people change plans on me at the last minute. When it takes two days to psych yourself up to go to some event or hang out somewhere and then the plans change, it can send me into a tailspin and I end up cursing everyone and everything. Stick to the plan, people! That way I can go through endless scenarios in my head, get my hopes up about the event, have them suitably dashed, and end up hating you for that instead! Gee, it's fun to have depression. I highly recommend it to everyone :)

Saturday, 18 January 2014

One sentence life lessons from literature

Anyone who knows me knows I'm a book nerd, so when I come across random posts like this I immediately want to contribute with some of my own.

The Book Riot lesson that most got me chuckling was

"20. Tess of the D’Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy: Just when you thought that life couldn’t get any more unfair, you read Tess and lost any last shred of hope."

Anyone who's read Tess knows that life just really kicks her in the nuts. Repeatedly. Just because she wants to be an honest person. It's an amazing novel.

Dracula is another of my favourite novels; Book Riot life lesson from Dracula is "If you have a choice between Count Dracula’s castle and the Holiday Inn, stay at the Holiday Inn." I actually think I can do better, the life lesson I can take away is - "Men, do not leave your lady folk sleeping alone while you go out and hunt vampires- they will be preyed upon".

Anyway, I got caught up in this game from that point, and here's a few more of my own life lessons from literature whittled down to a sentence.

Captain Corelli's Mandolin by  Louis de Bernières: Dudes, learn an instrument, chicks dig musicians.

Charlotte's Web by EB White: Don't make friends with animals that only have a one year life span; you'll get hurt.

Maya by Jostein Gaarder: Learning a secret language in order to cheat at cards is easier than it seems.

Children of Men, Oryx and Crake, and other dystopian/end of humanity novels: Keep plenty of canned food in your pantry- when the world's population dives into anarchy, chances are someone will come searching through your house, and thank you for these stores.

East of Eden by John Steinbeck: DON'T name your children after biblical figures with tragic stories, it's a self fulfilling prophecy, really.

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee: DO name your children after Atticus Finch; they will grow up to be the noblest, most ethical person ever!

I could go on and on, but I won't. Happy reading!

Sunday, 6 October 2013

Magic movie moments

Hi boys and girls! Thought I'd do a little post to share with you my favourite movie scenes of all time. When I began considering this post, I had wanted to do a '5 movies that changed my life' to tie in with my 5 books that changed my life post a few months back. Weirdly, when I began thinking about it, the impact movies have had on my life is minuscule compared to books. I guess I'm just a massive nerd. So instead, in no particular order, here are 5 movie scenes that have left an indelible impression on me...

The scene where ....

Romeo meets Juliet in Baz Lurhmann's 1996 production

Can you believe this was 1996?!?!? God we've all grown up a lot since then... I know I know it's cheesy cheesy crap! Hey, at least I didn't choose that kiss in the rain from The Notebook!

It's strange how much I dislike Bazza's more recent stuff, because the second scene I'm picking is also from that famed director.

The scene where ....

The dad starts clapping in Strictly Ballroom


HINT: If you've not seen this movie before, DO NOT watch this little clip. This film must be seen in it's entirity, on the largest screen you can find, for maximum impact. Poor Paul Mecurio, he was so so handsome, now he's reduced to making ads for margerine for an income.

The scene where ....

Mufasa dies in The Lion King
2:20 onwards in particular. I don't care if it's a cartoon. It's one of the best movies ever made. Anyone who doesn't cry when they see this is a heartless monster!

The scene where ....

Salvatore (Toto) watches Alfredo's film at the end of Cinema Paradiso

Again, without watching the entire film, this final scene would have no meaning. Not only is it one of the best movies of all time, it has the most gut wrenching scores of all time. God bless the Italians - no one does emotion like them! (Full disclosure- while compiling this post, I watched this clip three times in a row - it's just so beautiful!)

The scene where ....

Bubba dies in Forrest Gump

Oh, it was SOOO tough to choose this one - there were two scenes from this movie that give me goosebumps - this one and the one at the end where he's speaking to Jenny's grave. So what if it's mainstream, it's a damn good movie!

So there it is, my list of 5 top movie scenes that have pierced my weary, cynical soul. Feel free to comment!

Sunday, 22 September 2013

'Old School' words with friends!

I was having (an admittedly drunken) discussion with a friend the other night, about vernacular trends, along the lines of “why don’t people say ‘festy’ anymore?” ... “I’m going to bring back the word ‘Chat’!”. So I thought I’d compile a little dictionary of words that have fallen out of use from my vocab, a sociological fossil bank if you will. Oh the hubris of thinking that I’m the first person to have done this (a subsequent Google search would inform me!) But, I’ll stick to my word, and give you a list of 90’s and 00’s slang words that I miss dearly:

Homeboy: Sometimes shortened to ‘Homie’. A gang member or, more loosely, a friend, who has your back.

Chat or chattie: for something to be chat, it has to be ‘stupid’, but specifically things that a 12 to 14 year old would think are stupid. Perfect example “I have to hang out with the parentals this weekend; it’s so chat”

Headbanger: someone who enjoys banging their head to heavy metal music. Actually, I’m not totally sure whether this term has fallen out of use; perhaps its just that I never speak to people who have much interest in metal...

Derro: Ok, I’m sure bogans from Cronulla still use this term, but its been a while since I heard it. I’m not sure if it’s meant to be short for something (delinquent, perhaps?), but basically it means a waste of space human, usually jobless, unintelligent etc etc. Think of Billy Madison before he went back to school.....

Feral Bush Pig: No explanation needed. I AM bringing this back, so keep your ears out.....

Then, there’s every single term that was used in the classic (yes, whether you like it or not, it IS a classic!) Clueless. I could write a whole article about this, but, luckily, someone already has! (see here)

End of transmission. Feel free to add your own to the list!

Sunday, 14 July 2013

I heart Pixar

Yeah, sorry boys and girls, this isn't even a full post, just a re-posting of something that I found that is AWESOME


Saturday, 9 March 2013

I Listen to bands that don't even exist yet... *

I know this is the cry of the Wanker, but it's true: I LIKED IT BEFORE IT WAS COOL!

Here are two things that have been popping up more and more often, things that I was into BEFORE they became a fad...

1) Owls:

Owls are cool. I began my love affair with owl objects about three or four years ago when I received two gifts in one week (must have been either Birthday or Xmas, no one loves me enough to give me gifts for no reason... *tear*) that had owls on them. I was suprised to hear one of those gift bearers say "It just reminded me of you, you're a bit owl-y" but from that day on, I have kept an eye out for cool owl paraphenalia, whether it be tshirts, earrings, well, that's about it so far. Except for the cross dressing owl garden gnome thing my mother gave me for Xmas 2012. It's sparkly and his name is Bernice. Anyway... the point of this rant is, lately, I've seen owl related shit EVERYWHERE! And it annoys me to know other people are butting in on my thing! So back off everyone, and if I see anyone wearing an owl tshirt, I will tear it off you!

2) Onesies:

The article in the Sunday Telegraph today was the last straw.

It claims that onesies were the most popular item on the Xmas 2012 wish list for Poms. This is just not fair! I bought my first onesie back in 2010, and made an addition to my collection in 2012. That's right. I have two one piece pyjamas. And they ARE pyjamas. I don't wear them out of the house (well, I did once wear them into a car to drive a boyfriend to work, but did not get out of the car the entire time. I did put the fox ear hood on to get a chuckle out of some cops that were looking a bit dreary. That's right, did I mention one of my onesies is a fox suit? Again, purchased before animal suits were the rage... can you believe people wear that shit to music festivals? They're really rather warm, I couldn't wear one if it was above 18C.... Rant within a rant over)

Anyway, the article upset me for two primary reasons: firstly, they say you can't get a dude with a onesie. I have proved this WRONG- every guy (platonic or romantic) who's seen my onesies have thought they are the coolest, cutest things ever! One guy that I was seeing for a while "baggsed" my onesie and insisted that he be able to wear it whenever he stayed the night. It is possible he wanted to wear it just so he didn't have to see me wearing it, but compared to my other ratty pyjamas I don't reckon it's too bad...

Secondly, the article is pretty much an advertisement for one particular online onesie store, Pretty Little Thing, which is a shit name for a store, I was a bit hesitant typing it in, convinced I was going to be directed to some paedo-porno site. Anyway, their onesies are not nearly as well made as onesies (or Jumpsuits, as the site now calls them) Sure, Onepiece has lost some cred since it's done a few Featured lines with wankers like the Dudesons and One Direction, but they're still the greatest! BUT only the greatest because I have one, and have had one since BEFORE THEY WERE COOL!


* The title of this post is an homage to the Threadless ( ) tshirt "I listen to bands that don't even exist yet". Basically it's a caption to make fun of idiots who only like obscure bands that no one has ever heard of, purely to try prove that they are more into the music scene. This is explained perfectly in the blog Stuff White People Like: