I Listen to bands that don't even exist yet... *

I know this is the cry of the Wanker, but it's true: I LIKED IT BEFORE IT WAS COOL!

Here are two things that have been popping up more and more often, things that I was into BEFORE they became a fad...

1) Owls:

Owls are cool. I began my love affair with owl objects about three or four years ago when I received two gifts in one week (must have been either Birthday or Xmas, no one loves me enough to give me gifts for no reason... *tear*) that had owls on them. I was suprised to hear one of those gift bearers say "It just reminded me of you, you're a bit owl-y" but from that day on, I have kept an eye out for cool owl paraphenalia, whether it be tshirts, earrings, well, that's about it so far. Except for the cross dressing owl garden gnome thing my mother gave me for Xmas 2012. It's sparkly and his name is Bernice. Anyway... the point of this rant is, lately, I've seen owl related shit EVERYWHERE! And it annoys me to know other people are butting in on my thing! So back off everyone, and if I see anyone wearing an owl tshirt, I will tear it off you!

2) Onesies:

The article in the Sunday Telegraph today was the last straw.

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/entertainment/insider/the-onesie-crime-or-cool/story-e6frewt9-1226593882281

It claims that onesies were the most popular item on the Xmas 2012 wish list for Poms. This is just not fair! I bought my first onesie back in 2010, and made an addition to my collection in 2012. That's right. I have two one piece pyjamas. And they ARE pyjamas. I don't wear them out of the house (well, I did once wear them into a car to drive a boyfriend to work, but did not get out of the car the entire time. I did put the fox ear hood on to get a chuckle out of some cops that were looking a bit dreary. That's right, did I mention one of my onesies is a fox suit? Again, purchased before animal suits were the rage... can you believe people wear that shit to music festivals? They're really rather warm, I couldn't wear one if it was above 18C.... Rant within a rant over)

Anyway, the article upset me for two primary reasons: firstly, they say you can't get a dude with a onesie. I have proved this WRONG- every guy (platonic or romantic) who's seen my onesies have thought they are the coolest, cutest things ever! One guy that I was seeing for a while "baggsed" my onesie and insisted that he be able to wear it whenever he stayed the night. It is possible he wanted to wear it just so he didn't have to see me wearing it, but compared to my other ratty pyjamas I don't reckon it's too bad...

Secondly, the article is pretty much an advertisement for one particular online onesie store, Pretty Little Thing, which is a shit name for a store, I was a bit hesitant typing it in, convinced I was going to be directed to some paedo-porno site. Anyway, their onesies are not nearly as well made as onepiece.com onesies (or Jumpsuits, as the site now calls them) Sure, Onepiece has lost some cred since it's done a few Featured lines with wankers like the Dudesons and One Direction, but they're still the greatest! BUT only the greatest because I have one, and have had one since BEFORE THEY WERE COOL!

---END TRANSMISSION---

* The title of this post is an homage to the Threadless (http://www.threadless.com/ ) tshirt "I listen to bands that don't even exist yet". Basically it's a caption to make fun of idiots who only like obscure bands that no one has ever heard of, purely to try prove that they are more into the music scene. This is explained perfectly in the blog Stuff White People Like: http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/01/30/40-indie-music/

THE RAGE!

This will not be a particularly articulate post- my feelibgs around this issue are too tied up with my emotions to be able to produce an article with any semblance of objectivity.

My rage stems from a recent press conference held by the current Australian Families Minister, Jenny Macklin. The herald article can be found here:

http://www.smh.com.au/opinion/political-news/i-could-live-on-newstart-macklin-20130101-2c485.html

Now, I want to say straight up that I don't blame her as an individual for stating that she could live on it; of course she has to say that. I am just so sick and tired of Aussie politicians being so out of touch with the broader society and the daily struggles we go through.

My Newstart Allowance from Centrelink, plus my Rent Assistance payment, comes to about $520 per fortnight (roughly $37 per day). I want to point out that with my health care card, I also get concessions on medications, and cheaper train tickets, which is seldom explained to people not acquainted with the system. Nevertheless, you do skip meals on occasion because you need to save money for your mum's Birthday pressie or to buy a new bra because your others all look like some wash rag that's been around since the 1870's. The dismally low payment also leads quickly to social isolation, as you skip social events that you cannot possibly afford. But almost daily I thank my lucky stars that I'm SINGLE; that I don't have a child to support on this hideous excuse for Welfare; and that I live near public transport and don't have to run a car. Anyone who has to do this on Newstart is, to put it mildly, completely screwed.

What makes me want to cry (and scream, and throw molotov cocktails at politicians' houses) is the fact that, whenever MPs speak about Welfare, Centrelink issues, "getting parents back into the workforce" etc etc, has it never occurred to them that people on Welfare MIGHT ALREADY BE TRYING TO FIND WORK? Not every Australian is a "Dole Bludger" (what a hateful concept); most, I repeat MOST people want to be meaningfully employed.

I hear the Minister for Employment Participation (What a Fucking title!), Good Old Kate Ellis in my ear piping up that you need to be willing to accept any employment, broaden your search and you'll find it. Well, the next Minister that pipes up about how low the unemployment rate is; or how possible it is to live on Newstart; or how we need to be tougher on dole bludgers, is going to get a long letter from me COMPLETE with my spreadsheet detailing the 57 jobs I've applied for in the last 6 months, varying from Government positions to Admin to Customer Service to Retail to Volunteer positions. And an offer to swap places; as I could obviously do their job better than them.

Musings on Music

Prologue

Hmm after typing that title I am wondering if the word “music” was derived from “muse”. Must Wiki that... *

The Exercise

Here’s an exercise/experiment I want you to try. It’s really very simple!

1. Pick an album that you used to listen to a lot a long time ago (say 5-10 years ago), but haven’t really listened to any time lately.

2. Listen to it.

3. Be amazed at what emotions, thoughts, memories are brought about by listening to it.

To put the proposed exercise in context, I recently received an awesome present of an E-Reader, that ALSO PLAYS MUSIC! Oh yes, very excited I was. So I was going through my mum and dad’s computer to find some music to load onto said e-reader when I came across Howie Day’s Stop All The World now. Now I was borderline obsessed with this album in around 2007 (I tend to get obsessive and listen to one album or artist over and over for about 6 months then never again), and so naturally I thought why not slap it on and take a trip down memory lane!?

Discussion

Now, without baring the secrets in the depths of my soul, the period I was listening to this I was pretty messed up, and did a lot of things that I’m not proud of; I found it interesting to be able to listen to the album and remember those times, but have some distance to reflect. How big and all-consuming those issues were at the time! How far I have travelled that those issues are so rarely thought of today! Perhaps, just perhaps, the issues that I feel are never ending and so distressing today will, in time, be observed with the same retrospective safety. This thought gave me a little smile at a period in my life when there is not much to smile about.

Big tangent

As well as just being a good pop/rock album, Howie Day’s Stop All The World now is a perfect demonstration of the Wolfenblergh Principle. Wolfenblergh is an entirely fictional person who, through rigorous analysis, has unearthed the veracity that the vast majority of music albums place their best songs as track 3 and/or 7. Think about it- yeah, that’s right- your favourite album? Chances are your favourite track is 3, no? And this is not a recent phenomenon, but has roots back to Chet Baker and Elvis Presley.

Here’s a list of albums (in no way exhaustive) that prove Wolfenblergh’s Principle:

Alanis Morrisette – Jagged Little Pill

Daft Punk – Homework

Architecture In Helsinki – Fingers Crossed

Bloc Party – Silent Alarm

Now, I have heard people dismissing the Wolfenblergh Principle by saying that their favourite track of most CDs is track 1. Track one doesn’t count, as of course it has to be the strongest piece- if you put a shit song as number one, no one is going to persist through the rest of the album, no?

Oh, also, a special mention needs to be given to Track 13. While it holds no significance in recorded studio albums (hey, lets face it, most albums released these days don’t go for 13 tracks) but is crucial when discussing mix tapes/CDs/Playlists/however the cool kids share music these days. Track 13 should always be the an incredibly awesome song, so when you’re out somewhere with the recipient and you hear the track you can shout loudly “OMG TRACK 13!” If you hear Track 13 and you’re not in the company of the person who made you the mix tape, it is obligatory that you text them “ OMG TRACK 13!”. If in doubt what particular song to use as YOUR Track 13 next time you are composing a mix tape, the default is If I Ever Feel Better by Phoenix. This is the original and the greatest Track 13.

More discussion 

After having fun reliving my uni years by listening to old Howie, here’s a list of other albums I plan to dig up, brush off and give an ear to:

The mix tape my friend Liz made for me in 1998, my first year of high school. This has such classics as the Austin Power’s opening theme song and Callypso by Spiderbait. I’m certain there us old school No Doubt on there as well. The issue is finding the tape, and then a cassette player to listen to it!

Naughty By Nature’s Nineteen Naughty Nine- another album I listened to 500 times in 6 months and then never again. Borrowed from and never returned to one of the coolest guys in my year (won’t use names, but you know who you are- you once got a phone call in class and told the teacher “sorry, it’s my psychiatrist I have to take this”. classic.).

Nelly’s Country Grammar- Remember Nelly, guys? EVERYONE had this in their car when people were first getting their licences.

Well, here endeth the lesson. Please comment on what albums bring up memories for you; what albums prove (or disprove) the power of Wolfenblergh’s principle, or anything really- PLEASE COMMENT!

Here is a link to a YouTube Playlist I made up of songs referenced in this blog article. Happy Listening!

*Epilogue

According to Wikipedia the word music “...is ultimately derived from mousa, the Greek word for muse...” So there you go.

Three things that all men do!

A little light-hearted post to get all the ladies giggling (and nodding their heads furiously!) Here are three things that ALL MEN DO (except for my father, but he’s Swiss, so he’s less man and more efficiency loving, money stingy half man half punctuality-cyborg)....

1)      Leaving coins EVERYWHERE! I don’t know why, but men have an insatiable urge to litter their entire house with small bundles of coins from their pockets. Every time they venture out of the house, they return with a new pool of shiny metal that must- must dear God!- be placed in a different location to all the other little stacks of silver that lie around the house. To get a jar; a plate; a shoe, and place all their coins in there; a convenient central location where they can then select coins from for that time when they need $3.00 for a coffee and don’t want to break a note- somehow this concept is incapable of being comprehended by the modern man...

On the other hand, maybe this isn’t an affliction of all men... Just men until they have school age children who start to steal their piles of coins from around the house to buy zooper doopers and ovaltinees and all that other garbage from school canteens. I bet dads become much more coin savvy very quickly!

2)      Have a collection of empty deodorant bottles. Men, for some reason kept secret from women, must collect deodorant bottles and store them away for some forthcoming apocalypse. Empty ones; not ones that are actually of any use. But within this behaviour there are subtle differences among men... these differences, I am sure, point to some crucial hierarchy come Judgement Day, a hierarchy I am yet to figure out (but will). The hierarchy goes:

-        Men who keep their roll on deo in the bathroom collect LESS empties (usually only one or two)

-        Men who keep their roll on in their bedroom collect slightly more (three to four)

-        Men who use spray deodorant keep the most empties – I once counted five empties and two half used at a shag’s house. Men who use spray deodorant NEVER keep it in the bathroom, for reasons yet to be determined. I’m convinced manufacturing of bombs out of the empty cans has something to do with it.....

3)      I forgot the third thing I was going to say. Please leave a comment and remind/inspire me. Women everywhere, let’s keep this list growing of weird and wacky things that ALL MEN DO!

(Coming soon- guest post by a mate concerning three things that ALL WOMEN do; just to be even :-)  )

What makes me me?

So, a couple of weeks ago a friend, YK, sent out an email stating that she had a Uni project and needed 20 people to tell her in about 100 words"What makes you who you are." (She didn't stipulate for what particular course it was, which I only just realised now- hmmm, I would like to know)

Although I do love to lend a hand to people whenever I can, I did the exercise more for myself, to see what I would come up with. The following is what makes Miss Miss :)


My sense of humour. My kindness and thoughtfulness. My urge to do good in the world. My indifference to money and the useless crap money can buy. My family. My friends. My bad habits of overeating and hair twirling. My mental illness. My happy childhood. My not so happy teenage-hood. My self doubt. My passion for social justice. My bad fingernails. My guilt for things done and things left undone. My love of animals. My body.

JONI MITCHEL!

A quick post because I am really my Mother's daughter and I love Joni....

I rediscovered this song today, haven't listened to it in years....

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/bbJo-dsFGfI" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

My favourite line?
"When I thought life had some meaning ... Then I thought I had some choice
And I made some value judgements ... In a self-important voice"

This song is amazing and beautiful and (to me, at least) reminds us that, as we become older and change our views and opinions, the only reason is that we wish to be accepted, and to "Come in from the Cold"

I love you Joni Mitchel xoxoxo

Five Books That Changed My Life...

Flicking through the Sun Herald over the weekend (something I don’t often bother to do), I came across a little segment I’ve seen in various forms over the years “5 Books That Changed My Life”. Basically they invite someone famous to write a little bio about 5 books that have inspired them. My train of thought went like so:

“Ohhh I wish someone would ask me to do an article about my favourite books. I love books!”

“You’ll never get the opportunity, stupid-head. They only get well known people to do that shit.”

“If only I had a blog where I could post it to the World without newspaper editors’ involvement...”

“See that’s why you’re a stupid-head: you already have a Blog!”

So without further ado; here is a list of 5 Books That Changed Missy’s Life (in no particular order...)

Captain Correlli’s Mandolin- Louis de Bernières

I recall reading this in my last year of Highschool with horror- horror because this book taught me more about WWII than four years of Modern History. The Australian History Curriculum really does suck ass. This is, hands down, one of the best written novels I’ve ever read (and I’ve read a lot!). Descriptive without being wanky; informative without being dull; romantic without being sickly. Anyone who hasn’t seriously considered moving to Cephallonia after reading this novel is an absolute heartless beast. Needless to say, I’ve not read any of De Bernières other work (No, not even Red Dog... Call me Un-Australian), for the fear of ruining my Godlike appreciation for his incredible skill in writing CCM.

This is how obsessed I am with this book- I own three copies (different editions); and have read it 6 times...

The Unbearable Lightness of Being- Milan Kundera

Ok, So the actual contents of the novel perhaps didn’t change my life; it was simply the catalyst to me seeking out more European Existentialist Literature, for which I have a great admiration for (think Cocteau’s Les Enfants Terribles and Camus’ The Outsider, etc). I feel a great affiliation with Existentialism, and not the watered-down pussy “Life is what you choose to make it” Existentialism of 80’s Philosophers, but the Romantic, Fatalistic, there-is-absolutely-no-meaning-to-life-and-it-only-causes-pain, ohso French Existentialism. Don’t ask me why. Probably because I’m a truer Atheist than Dawkins...

Who’s Afraid of Virginia Wolfe- Edward Albee

Ok, so the next two aren’t “Books” as in true novels, but plays, but I’ve read them several times in printed form as well as seen them performed- AND ITS MY BLOG DAMMIT ILL CHOOSE WHAT CONSTITUTES A BOOK!

Much like Unbearable Lightness; Who’s Afraid was not only important in itself (allowed me to peer into my future!), but it also opened my eyes to Theatre of the Absurd, which, you could argue, is the light hearted, performance cousin of Existentialism. My favourite Absurdist Theatre piece would probably be Waiting For Godot, but this was discovered a year after Who’s Afraid. For some reason (feel free to psycho-analyse me), I feel a great deal of comfort in works that view the World through a Framework of non-meaning.

Who’s Afraid will always stand in my heart as the start of a lifelong journey of enjoying non-narrative, non-sensical performance art.

Macbeth- William Shakespeare

I wish I could say I fell in love with Shakespeare the moment I began to study him. I remember feeling so grown up when, in year 7, we commenced studying ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’. I had heard so much about how wonderful Shakespeare was, but had never been exposed to his work. Now I was at BIG SCHOOL and doing BIG THINGS like ALGEBRA and Shekey!!! I was bitterly disappointed. Bitterly. Disappointed. Why do they teach his comedies in High School? They’re outdated and a terrible introduction into his great mind (a great introduction into his opium riddled mind, however).

Anyway, so I hated Shakespeare at first. THEN came Macbeth, in year 8. So this is what everyone was talking about, huh? The awesome greed for power; the soliloquys while dying; the suicide! So intriguing! Back then I was still seriously considering a life on the stage (as seriously as a 13 year old girl can consider anything) and I decided it was my dream to play Lady Macbeth. I’d still jump at the opportunity!

Now I’m an old hand at Shakespeare lovin’, but still only really connect with his tragedies. The End.

We Need to Talk about Kevin- Lionel Shriver

I found this book impossible to put down, and all the while reading it, I was thinking to myself “I never knew I believed in Nature over Nurture, but this kid was borrn evviiilll!”. I just assumed other readers empathised with Eva, the mother of the high school student who commits a school massacre.

When I began reading reviews and critiques of the novel, and then of the film based on the novel, it was clear that the majority of the readership believed that Kevin’s actions were a result of neglectful/emotionally abusive parenting. I get that the novel is intentionally written to raise these questions, I was just surprised that I was in the minority of being “Team Eva”. Is it because I see myself in her? A woman, perfectly happy with her husband, forced by him and societal norms, to introduce a child into the World. I sure would be fucking resentful! This will be me one day, should I cave in to pressure and give up my long standing view that I would not be a good mother and do not want children. You’ve been warned...

That’s it, I’m getting a Tshirt printed “Team Eva 4 Life!”. Lit nerds will get it!