What makes me me?

So, a couple of weeks ago a friend, YK, sent out an email stating that she had a Uni project and needed 20 people to tell her in about 100 words"What makes you who you are." (She didn't stipulate for what particular course it was, which I only just realised now- hmmm, I would like to know)

Although I do love to lend a hand to people whenever I can, I did the exercise more for myself, to see what I would come up with. The following is what makes Miss Miss :)


My sense of humour. My kindness and thoughtfulness. My urge to do good in the world. My indifference to money and the useless crap money can buy. My family. My friends. My bad habits of overeating and hair twirling. My mental illness. My happy childhood. My not so happy teenage-hood. My self doubt. My passion for social justice. My bad fingernails. My guilt for things done and things left undone. My love of animals. My body.

Loneliness is a four letter word

Maybe it’s because I’ve been pretty lax on my medication lately, or maybe it’s because I’ve been listening to far too much Angus and Julia Stone, but this weekend just gone was by far the loneliest for a long time. I literally did not say a word yesterday, saw exactly one person when I looked out onto the street from my balcony. I found out on the Friday that I am going to be made redundant at the end of June (38 days and counting!), and since then there has been this mounting restlessness. When you have a shock or a big event, you want a partner, someone who will sit there and talk about it in endless circles, until you figure it out. I know I have friends who would say that they are there for me, but it’s not the same thing talking to a friend as talking to a lover. So I wrote a poem, as a way to express the vacancy in my heart, and take my mind off the fact that I will be unemployed very soon.

Loneliness is a Four Letter Word

Hot shoe shuffle under the sheets

Turn your head so the tears don’t pool

I wish I wish

Someone was here to swim through the pain

Stone cold crawl out to the couch

Turn your mind so the emptiness fades
I want I want
Someone to scrub out the silence and fawn

 

Loneliness is a four letter word

Turning against your precarious soul
It morphs it morphs
Into hatred of the self